Nostalgia For This Version Of Your Life
On missing the past and realizing you’ll miss this too
Nostalgia.
A simple word that carries a lot of weight.
How can one word summarize the ache and longing to return to the memories and moments of our past?
I’ve been feeling very nostalgic lately. I’ve been thinking about the littlest things. The Sunbelt granola bars we ate as kids. The jello eggs my Mom made for Easter. Sharing a home with my siblings and having them just in the next room. Our morning routine before school. The frozen juice we used to make and have in the fridge. The Cocoa Krispies that were always in the cupboard. The blue ribbon blue finger nail polish that I used for good luck. Our Sunday night tradition of stovetop popcorn and Extreme Makeover Home Edition. The handwritten to-do lists my Mom would leave on the counter for us after school.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, nostalgia is a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. It is a complex emotion combining pleasure and sadness.
Feeling nostalgic also has me thinking about anticipatory nostalgia. The idea of looking back on life events and knowing you’ll feel nostalgic about them in the future.
In other words: you know you will feel nostalgic about something you’re living through now.
And that carries a lot of weight too.
The tip tap of Lidi’s nails on the floor as she follows me from room to room. The same familiar routes we take every day on our walks. The way my husband engulfs me in a hug, with my head tucked under his chin, every time he gets home. Snuggling on the couch at the end of the night. Sitting down for a meal with my parents, my husband, my siblings and their partners.
These are the moments that don’t feel important until they suddenly do.
We never know when something will happen for the last time. I didn’t realize the last time I shared a bathroom with my sisters was the last time. I didn’t realize the last time we would all be sleeping under the same roof. Until a day like today, when I think back to those moments and realize they were the last ones.
Maybe anticipatory nostalgia isn’t something to fear. Maybe it’s just catching yourself in the middle of a normal moment and realizing, for a second, that it won’t always look like this. Maybe it’s just a reminder that the things we’ll miss most are usually the ones that feel the most ordinary right now.
And maybe it’s knowing that a simple word can carry this kind of weight. Not just for the memories behind us, but for the moments we’re still in.
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i’m only 20 and i already feel such deep nostalgia for my teens. the walk to the bus i used to hate, sitting out in town with all my friends, going for drinks to celebrate after my a-levels!! i know one day i will feel nostalgia for these days too and that makes me so happy. this was beautifully written and it got me thinking about my own life:) thank you
It’s funny you brought up this subject because I was just thinking about things that happened even 5 years ago and now they are forever gone. Teaches you to enjoy every moment even the teaching moments because they are also fleeting and precious!